Hasn’t text back in a week? Red flag. Only calls when they need something? Red flag. Doesn’t like you spending time with family and friends? Red flag. I don’t know about you but for agesssssss any relationships I had with others, I would constantly use red flags to determine whether they were good for me or not and yeah of course recognising signs of unhealthy relationships is super important but it got to the point where I would start dismissing people based off of the silliest of things. Whilst it is important to be able to recognise signs of unhealthy relationships, I think it equally important to be able to identify healthy and positive relationships too. I look back on so many relationships and friendships that I missed out on because of this obsession with red flags. Having done some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, when I start a new friendship or relationship instead, I now look for green flags, not just red.
What are classed as green flags? Like with most of the topics I discuss, these are individual to you, but some of the green flags that I look for are:
- I feel safe, comfortable and secure when I'm around them & there is no expectations for me to be anything other than my authentic self - They are understanding about how complex life can be and spending time apart does not impact our friendship/relationship - They go out of their way to show me how much our relationship/friendship means i.e. remembering important dates, regularly checking in, tagging me in event/products/pages I might like. - They respect my feelings, interests and family, even if they don’t always understand them
I hope this has been helpful, please feel free to share this with your family and friends and check out my small business on Instagram @postthatpampers
This is not in any way intended to encourage you to stay in abusive relationships or overlook toxic behaviour. I just wanted to share with you all the importance of being able to identify and recognise positive behaviour in friendships and relationships.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship you can access support from a variety of organisations:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help
Comments