I came across this phrase quite recently and I just felt it would be very fitting for my first blog post. For those of you who don’t know what toxic positivity is, it’s defined as ‘dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy’ So, basically the point at which being ‘positive’ can actually become harmful. Ever heard ‘everything happens for a reason’ or ‘failure is not an option’ before? Yeah...me too and 99.9% of the time when someone has said this to me it has not helped in the slightest! Of course, surrounding yourself by people who are optimistic and have your best interests is extremely important, however it is also important to recognise when this optimism is becoming unhelpful and if we can let them know. You might be reading this right now and be thinking oh no, I’ve used that phrase before! Don’t beat yourself up about it, I imagine it was well intended and sometimes we do find ourselves in really difficult situations where we can’t actually physically do anything to help or support that person and we just don’t know what to say. Instead of falling into that trap of bombarding others with toxic positivity we can offer more helpful words
For example:
Before offering solutions, ask the person ‘Are you looking for advice or would you just like to vent?’
Instead of ‘everything happens for a reason’ try ‘This is a really rubbish situation and I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this’
Instead of ‘let's just try and think positive’ try ‘would it help if we talked this through?’
Instead of ‘there are always people worse off’ try ‘it is really unfair what is happening right now and I want you to know that you're not alone and that your feelings are valid’
Being positive does have its uses and I will admit I am quite a glass half empty kinda person, so having people who promote positivity around me is important. Nonetheless, it's still important for me to feel ALL of my emotions and for those around me to understand and more importantly allow me this.
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